Vox just isn't working for me. It's slow, the interface is too busy, blah blah blah.
So I've gone back to my old site. I hope to get into a semi-regular posting schedule (right now I'm all, "oooh! shiny!" so I'm posting more than I probably will going forward).
I posted these two pictures in my LJ, but I thought the comparison was interesting enough to re-post them here (also, I'm sort of freaked out by it--why this makes me want to share, I don't know).
I miss my mother so much--almost more now that I'm older and am rapidly approaching the day when I'll have lived more of my life mother-less than not (that day will be November 1, 2007)--and I find myself looking for her in the strangest places. I don't remember what her voice sounded like, except in the most general sense, I remember that she wore some perfume that came in a purple box from Gloria Vanderbilt (but I don't dare buy some because what if it's not the right stuff?), and I remember that she loved me and my sister very, very, very much. And that's probably the best thing I can remember about her--and the most important.
Why we never hear, why people don’t talk and why people don’t want to know...
And stories like that are why I will never, ever, ever get weight-loss surgery and why I will advocate against it when people I love talk about wanting to get it.
...after I look at the IKEA site, I figure that I can get an end table, a coffee table, a side chair and a matching footstool for the side chair for about $10 total more than the ottoman alone.
Need to discuss with P tonight and then transfer money & place order. We need to make a decision on this so I'll stop rabbiting about in circles about it.
It's been a nice low-key holiday this year. We decided not to go anywhere in part because of our impending move (just 2 weeks from now, eek!) and also because I didn't feel okay about going to Michigan and having a visit with P's family again without having the opportunity to visit my extended family--in particular, my grandmother who is 86 and who has slowed down considerably over the last few years. We're going to try our best to get up to see her this spring, probably over Memorial Day weekend when my family traditionally has a camping trip. As City People, P and I are planning to stay at a relative's house instead of roughing it. We are not Camping People. (I spent enough of my childhood huddled in unheated tents or by a campfire while it poured down rain, thankyouverymuch.)
I've been off work most of this week; I came into the office this morning to deal with email and voicemail, of which there was very little. Fifteen emails, half of which were just notifications, and no voicemail at all. So I've been marking time until 12:30, when I can leave and not come back until next year, muahahaha.
As for the move, well. I've started packing and we're going to buy boxes this weekend and we're trying to bribe local friends with booze and pizza in exchange for hauling stuff, so I'm hoping it'll come off. I'm also trying to coordinate the new furniture, because if we can get it delivered the weekend we move in, then I don't have to have my nasty old furniture in the new apartment at all (I say nasty because it was originally dumpster furniture and while it's served me well these last few years, I don't know the provenance of it and that sort of bugs me). If not, then it will likely be delivered the following week and I have a conundrum: do I go without a couch for a week or do I have the old loveseat moved into the new apartment and bribe the delivery guys to haul it 100 yards to the dumpster when they deliver the new? The loveseat isn't terribly heavy (unlike the couch which is a sleeper-sofa), so me and P can haul it to the dumpster if we have to and I guess we need to have something there to sit on, but it's really not big enough for two people, either. Then again, if I order the new furniture today, it will be at most 3 weeks for it to be delivered--so I clearly need to order it this week just in case it is going to take 3 weeks--if it's going to take less, I can arrange for it to be delivered on the day we take possession of the new place. Then again, I just looked and the couch we want is available with the cover we want, but the footstool isn't. But they're both available in our backup color (which I'd also be okay with--possibly more okay because a beige couch is probably more versatile than a light medium green one is), so do I get just the couch in green and then try to get the footstool later or do I get both in the backup color? Because every time I've checked local availability, the green never seems to be in stock, so we'd have to get it delivered which would mean more delivery charges, argh. Or I could just go with a coffee table, but I was looking forward to the storage in the footstool because we desperately need storage. But then again I can always buy baskets to go under the coffee table or something. Argh.
I need to stop thinking so much.
I have a sad addiction to NCIS--I know it's not a very good show, but I enjoy it and it's the only show I watch with anything that comes close to a religious fervor these days.
On tonight's episode, Abby called Gibbs "El Magnifico".
Only Jennie would understand why that was so funny.
Also, I want to read Abby/Gibbs fanfic. Someone please find me some.
We're moving into a bigger apartment! We're staying in the same complex and, in fact, the new apartment is quite literally a stone's throw from the current one: it's downstairs and catty-corner across the courtyard. We can see it from our balcony. New apartment is a first floor one, though, which will make everything so much easier.
For only $110 more a month we'll get a second bedroom, a second bathroom, a slightly larger living room, more windows, more closet space and did I mention a second bedroom? We'll be able to stick P's desk (and associated detritus) in there, my fiber stash in there, my review books in there, etc. etc. etc. The onther thing, which you can't see on the flooplan but is there in reality is that the master bedroom has a sliding glass door, too--on the diagonal wall. So we'll have to have the bedroom arranged differently (right now, the bed is on the diagonal wall), but there are two windows and the patio which means there should be a lot more light in there. My biggest gripe about the current apartment--apart from the fact that it's not big enough for two people--is that it's got terrible light. Hopefully we'll get slightly better light with a southern exposure instead of the eastern one we have now. Certainly can't be much worse, to be honest.
I'm ridiculously excited about it and keep rearranging the furniture in my head--because after we move, we're getting the new couch! Whee! And then we'll be saving up for a dining room table and chairs! And it will all go together in a delightful IKEA sort of way! Whee!
How did you pick your Vox name? Does it mean something?
Submitted by LeendaDLL.
It's my first name spelled backwards. I've been using it as a handle online for the last 6 years or so--I actually prefer to use Natalie, but it's taken 95% of the time, but eilatan isn't about 70% of the time.
I'm just not a nickname-y sort of person. I like my name and that's what I want people to use when referring to me. It's distinctly weird when I play World of Warcraft and when I'm using Ventrilo with fellow guildies to hear them use my character name instead of, well, my name. But I'm getting used to it.
Recently, the writer John M. Ford died. I didn't know him, apart from his brilliant comments on Making Light. I've never read any of his books (a deficiency I hope to correct soon). But this poem really does say it all: "Say what you mean. Bear witness. Iterate."
I can't believe it's been 15 years since my mother died. That seems like such a huge stretch of time--it's almost half my life at this point. I don't know what I can say other than what I've said before in other places but I feel like it's my duty to make sure that my mother isn't forgotten to the world.
My mother was not special or extraordinary, at least not according to the world's definitions of those words. But she was pretty special to me. And you know, I think she could have been extraordinary if she'd been given the chance--she just never was. Her life was not a good one or a happy one and I think that's what breaks my heart the most.
From the time she was a girl, no one gave her a chance. Not her parents and not the teachers at the Catholic school she briefly attended (before she was kicked out for being "dumb"--she had a hearing impairment and, I suspect, a learning disability; neither of these things make a person "dumb"). Of the four daughters my grandparents had, my mother was the wild one. She dropped out of high school and ran off to New York and eloped with a sailor when she was in her late teens/early twenties and after six months left him because he beat her. She was able to divorce him, but not without upsetting her parents and their local parish. When she was 26, she met my father and refused to dance with him. Eventually she relented and they dated for four years before they were married--by a justice of the peace (both me and my sister were married by JPs, too, which now makes it a family tradition!).
After living in Boston for pretty much her whole life, she was finally able to leave--before they landed in Hawaii, there was a stop in the DC Metro area. I think Mum really liked living in Hawaii, she always spoke of it positively and I think it was a way for her to finally have her own identity away from her family--and away from my dad's, too (that's important, later).
I don't know what my mother dreamed or hoped for from her life. All I know is that she was a housewife and a mother. And I wish I knew more, but she rarely talked about her childhood and never about her aspirations. I suspect that she'd given up on herself and put all her hopes and dreams into her children; she certainly didn't seem to have any for herself.
Me and my sister were born two and a half years apart--just close enough for us to get all up in each other's faces but just far enough apart for me to take all of the blame. (Of course a 5 year old bears more responsibility than a 3 year old, but when you're 12 and 10 there should be more equal responsibility for the stupid fights, but there never was.) I don't know what Mum wanted for my sister, but I have a good idea of what she wanted for me. I was the smart one, the one who was going to do wonderful things. Or at least that's how it always felt to me. She didn't want me to mess up my life (the way she messed up hers?), so she did her best to protect me--from everything. There were Byzantine rules about makeup, telephone usage, and hanging out with friends. Once me and my sister decided we wanted to participate in an activity, we had to participate to the bitter end, even if we loathed it (I wold have quit Girl Scouts after my first year of Juniors; I was made to stay for all three years). It was frustrating.
On the other hand, the fact that she loved me and my sister with a fierce love was never in question. Even today when I talk to family members or friends, that's one of the first things they always say--that she loved us and would have done anything to protect us. I'm sad that Paul will never have a chance to know my mother and that my nieces will never know their Nana.
I wish my father hadn't been so cruel to her by telling her--in front of his family, who really never cared for my mother--that he was going to divorce her when my sister turned 18. I wish she'd lived to see me and my sister graduate from high school and me from college. I wish she'd been able to go to college herself. I wish she'd gone to the doctor when she started to not feel well, a week before she died of a broken heart.
Finally, I wish my father--and the rest of his family--hadn't acted as if she'd never existed, that me and my sister were better off without her. Because we weren't and we aren't.
Jean Elizabeth Francis Luhrs. You are not forgotten and as long as I live, you will not be. I remember. I bear witness.
What's your sign? What do you think of astrology and horoscopes?
I'm a Scorpio and while I tend to not believe in much of what astrology says, I do have to say that I look smoking in dark red. Which you wouldn't think, as I'm a pasty white person with blue eyes and light brown hair, but it's true.
Also, a propos of nothing at all, I just placed my order for a John Wesley Harding concert DVD. I'm very excited--it's a DVD of the performace at last year's Bumbershoot in Seattle (I think it's in Seattle) and it's basically the Love Hall Tryst CD performed live. And I'm assuming that I'm getting one of the first 5,000 copies, so I'll also be getting a bonus CD. Yay!
